Currently A Pretty Decent Cape In My Closet weiner. see related

Is there anybody out there man?

Yet again I resort to my xanga after leaving my comfort zone called Olathe and going to OKC.

Life continues to throw completely absurd things my direction, my health all of a sudden has gone awry, in state-survey window at work, my family is changing... well basically everything is.

There's got to be some means of finding out which lessons we are supposed to be learning at any given time. I'm sick of the guessing game I've played for so long not heeding any results.

I'm stagnant.

I'm apartment shopping.

I'm possibly crazy.

eh, it's okay- Shane Koyczan, the Big Guy, and Whitney will get me through

I'm getting older too.

Stevie Nicks. hooker.

So I am officially 21. odd. I feel like if I keep going at the rate I am, I'll never achieve my goal of changing the world. Bummer.

I recently visited OKC and my hearts home (wherever whitney resides.)

It seemed for a weekend my hope had been restored. It felt really nice.

But now, I am sitting at my desk listening to the annoying buzz of this ancient computer and wishing that I could purchase inspiration.

mmm. Sweet disappointment.ha

O Edward, Edward, wherefore art thou Edward?

but still. Bitches aint shit.

Currently Listening Meiko Hawaii see related

I'll make coffee and you'll read the paper.

 People around me appear to be changing and yet, I'm starting to see that who they seem to be turning into is who they were all along.

Some not such a good thing, some... well, better.

All i know is that i am right there with them. I haven't been my happiest for awhile but i can say i have been the most sincere i have ever felt. I am beginning to see why for so long older people have told us not to worry, you'll figure out who you are.                (tru dat.. .or dis. . whichever makes sense)

I just finished The Fountainhead. . . Ayn Rand developed the philosophy of Objectivism. . i've been reading about it and the Law of Identity. . A=A. . and the sentence.  A thing is what it is.

basically. .

there is something to be said about each of us. A thing is what it is. And we are what we are.

subtly, i am finding lots of peace in that sentence.

Currently Listening When I Am God By Sleeper Oh track 8 is meeeean. (and nice) see related

I dont know if i have ever been this tired.

or happily morose. things just dont seem to be coming together for me. but its merely my doing.

My head hurts like hell, because hell hurts.

My life is so sweet but i can't seem to let myself recognize it.

i feel stagnant. and yet i see the world resting at my fingertips.

I should need nothing more than the love i receive (lots) and the God that loves me (lots.)

key word: should.

but i still want something... like more hope and excitement, passion and opportunity, an accelerated heart rate and conversations that warm the same fist sized muscle.

until then.

Currently Listening Hail to the Thief By Radiohead see related

Happy Birthday Billy Shakes

Yes, a million years ago today William Shakespeare was born in Stratford upon avon. what a good man.

So new line cinema got ahold of the rights for Chuck Klosterman's Killing Yourself to Live to make it into a movie... they are going to botch it.

and i am moving out of my house into an apartment.

thats enough news for one day.

My cat, Mos Def... got let outside the other night (she does NOT go outside) and was gone until 9 the next morning.. but in this time, she has met a boyfriend and she no longer loves me but rather sits and the window waiting for him to come around (which he does) its pretty scandalous really- she is growing up. i would say she is a 'tween' right now, a little boy crazy but not quite cognisant of what boys really entail which is waaaay to much for even felines to follow.

I taught myself how to play and sing "Fade Into You" by Mazzy Star last night. i felt triumphant afterwards regardless of the fact that it is only 5 chords... total.

oh...and i am at work right now.

my heart is out of place. i keep blaming it on remaining stagnant and without stimulation in kansas but i think its time to dig deeper. I miss the sense of belonging I had when the most important thing to my friends and i was how eachothers relationship with God was doing.

I'm supposed to be the salt of the earth but...

my soul feels kinda bland.

How Do I fix this??